While I've had wonderful relationships in the past, I am not what one would refer to as a "ladies man". I'm absolutely horrible at meeting women. I have no self confidence when it comes to my appearance, and as we all know regardless of one's character or charisma, it is the eye that generates initial attraction. One evening I was out with Dave, who has what we refer to as "game". There were a few ladies at a table near by who had gained our interest. Dave and I had a few beers, occasionally looking over at the young women, but did not make any moves. While I had stepped away to visit the restroom, Dave had begun a conversation with the girls, and when I returned, they were all sitting at our table. Of course Dave was charming and funny, and the girls seemed to be having a good time. After the initial small talk had worked it's way around the table, one of the girls said to me "We were checking you guys out all night. We wanted to come over and talk to you both, but we were afraid of you." Afraid of me?? That seems to be the consensus. I offer all this as a prelude so that you understand what comes next is honest and free of ego.
Friday evening I was out with a couple of friends of mine at a bar in Jersey City. We had found our way to this particular pub so that we could watch Evander Hollyfield make his best effort at a comeback. There was a rather attractive looking woman who caught my eye. From time to time I glanced over and it looked to me as if she was actually checking me out. Of course, having no confidence, I figured she was just interested in whatever was behind me. After a while my companions began to notice her as well. They both felt that she was indeed looking at me, and with some interest. After a while, it was fairly obvious. But I have no game, and so the evening ended without any sort of connection being made. Tonight, as I sat by myself, enjoying a meal and some football, I again noticed that I caught the eye of a woman at the bar. Again, we never even as much as said hello. I understand my own shortcomings, but to my female friends I pose this question; What the hell??? We are living in the 21st century now. Is it still unacceptable for a woman to make a move? I have a couple of female friends who during discussions of courting, sound as if they are living in the 1950's (you know who you are KP and CG). The feel it is totally incumbent upon the man to make any sort of move. They refuse to be the first to flirt, or to approach a stranger and introduce themselves. And these are incredibly beautiful, smart, and otherwise strong women. In every other part of their lives they take control, but when it comes to meeting men, they remain subservient. Sure, I should work on my game. I should grab the bull by the horns. I should get off my ass and make a move. But, I'm still perplexed by this dichotomy of the female character. Anyone have an explanation? Heather? Jody? Helen? Kaycee? Anyone????
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4 comments:
we are women strong ,independent know what we want and we get it with what ever means deemed nessecary , we are also mysterious , that being said some women feel the man should make the first move , because they were bought up that way alot of us still believe in the old fashioned way of things but there are others like me out there who will flirt first im talking walking over and striking up a conversation , ice breaker can be a beer or a finely mixed drink my point is we as women know what we want we have different wayus of going about that
thats my two cents
Jenn
After everything you’ve gone through the last couple of years it seems a cruel irony that walking up to a girl in a bar poses such a barrier.
I'd be scared as crap to approach you in a bar! Keep in mind that the first time i met you I assumed that the cane was the by-product of an excessively violent (no doubt at your provocation) game of pick-up football or some other sufficiently testosterone-driven pursuit. I think, though, that there is a happy medium between "let me sit here insist that you approach me without giving you much indication of why I'm looking at you, you mustard-crusted drunk" and "hey, big boy, how about givin' me a moustache ride." Did you try smiling? Was there a particularly inviting bottle of ketchup or tabasco near her. Was she reading anything or carrying anything that might indicate a shared interest or conversation starter?
That said, I'm shit at approaching people, so don't take my advice.
The little chickens used to say to me: 'You look just like Christian Slater.' now they say: 'You look like Steven King.' I am very upset by this. Very upset.
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