Come in here dear boy, have a cigar...

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, well ok, I always do a lot of thinking. I have some ideas about immortality, but I'm going to save them for the next entry. Today will simply be a cancer update.

I'm better. I'm not great, but I'm certainly better than, say, a month ago. I've spent the last few weeks recouping at dad's. This week I was able to drag my ass in to my office twice. I'm not able to stand a full day, but still, it's a step. I'm thin, very thin, disgustingly thin. I came out of the hospital 190 pounds, and three weeks later I'm still 190 pounds. I don't like being this thin. I feel like all I've done for the last few weeks is eat, but still no weight. My sister reminded me, as she often has to do since my brain seems to be nothing more than a giant sieve, that this is how it always happens. I stay thin for 4 or 5 weeks, and then BAM, lots of weight. I guess we'll have to see.

I had a ct scan last week. The scan was to check on how the infection was doing. I was on IV antibiotics at home, and the doctor wouldn't stop them until a ct scan showed him I was clean. Well...I'm clean. No more infection. So that's good news! I went to see my surgeon last Monday. He said my surgical wounds are healing very well, and it should only be a few more weeks before they're all closed up. Also, he took a glance at the ct scan and told me that my innards look to be in good shape. There are no obvious signs of growth. Now he wouldn't say the words, that is for my oncologist, but what he hinted at is that there are no signs of cancer. Yes, this is good news. BUT, let's temper it with a bit of reality. I've had clean ct scans in the last couple of years. They are not the end-all-be-all for diagnosing cancer, especially my cancer. As we all know by now, I will always have cancer, it's just going to be a matter of degree. I am going to see my oncologist in April and we'll find out more then.

Tomorrow, as some of you may or may not know, is my birthday. I'll be 38. 40 is just around the damn corner. For my birthday.........I'm going home!!!! I'm moving back into my own apartment tomorrow, after a 3 and 1/2 month hiatus. I'm really looking forward to it. Some friends are going to come by and help me settle back in. I'll make them some dinner and then we'll just relax at my place. Sure 10 years ago this would not have passed for a birthday party, but then again I was a totally different person, with about 100 more pounds on me. (did I mention that I'm very thin?)

There are a lot of things going on for me right now. Work is changing, I've got some trips coming up, and then there's always the cancer. I'm pretty sure my next couple of blogs will be a bit more profound and introspective, so perhaps you'll want to skip those.