I stood beneath an orange sky

I've said it before, and I will continue to say it with conviction, because never before in the history of our lexicon have two words been combined to form a single sentence which bears such validity; chemo sucks.

I won't bore you with the horrible details. Those of you who check this blog are well aware of the physical, emotional, and psychological beatings I take.

Here I am though, toughing through it. I don't often strike a self congratulatory tone, but I have to say sometimes I'm impressed with my own ability to deal with it. I'm a strong, resilient, and resourceful sonofabitch. But then you knew that, didn't you?

Or did you? It occurred to me lately that my life has gone through several dramatically different stages over the years. Through them all, I feel that I've always been me, but the circumstances around them have varied. I was speaking with a long time friend the other day and it came up that there are a lot of people in my life right now that don't know what I look like with hair. Yes, that seems silly, but it's symbolic of an often overlooked but none the less important truth; we are all a sum of our parts, but not everyone knows all those pieces. By the way, my hair was brown and curly.

It struck me that there are even some of you who don't know a Billy without cancer. As I move on with my life and meet knew friends, there will be many more of you. Though you may not know what I was like before this disease set up shop in my intestinal track, you still know my strengths, my weaknesses, my philosophy. You know me. But I wanted to share with you some things you may not know.

When I was in grammar school I was "gifted". I skipped grades for certain subjects and was taking high school courses starting in the sixth grade. I grew up in a very close Sicilian family where the women outnumbered the men by 2 to 1. My father first taught me how to fire and care for a gun when I was around 6. I went to an all boys high school. I am an Eagle Scout. I was involved in some questionable activities as a teenager with a certain group of friends. We once threw a party that did considerable damage to a house. I stood on the George Washington Bridge for Hands Across America. I was in a fraternity. Actually, I was president of my chapter briefly. I've always wanted to be an actor, or a director. I have been mugged, shot at, and in quite a few fights. I have attended, at last count, 4 colleges, one of them twice. I have been an EMT since I was 19. I volunteered on a first aid squad and worked for professional services for over 10 years. I've watched people die, I've saved peoples' lives, I've delivered babies. I once swam for over a mile. I worked in strip clubs, and a few other bars, for over 10 years. I was a dj, a bouncer, and a club manager. I dated a few strippers. I hung with VIPs at the Limelight, when it was relevant. I held my mother's hand as she died. I've been in love too many times to count. I was engaged briefly in the late 90's. I've been to about 30 states and 9 countries.

The things you think about when you have cancer!

I hope I get to add a lot more to that list.