You put the "lida" in "holidays"

When I was a child, holidays bore the full and epic importance of the events they commemorate. Valentine's Day was a celebration of love. Easter was the essence of my religion, remembering the resurrection of Jesus. In adolescence and young adulthood, the year was clearly divided in terms of school. Holidays became bold lines of demarcation. The summer began with Memorial Day, summer camp was in full swing by Independence Day, and Labor Day brought us back to academics. As I got older, holidays afforded an opportunity to revisit youth. Halloween was a time dress up in silly costumes, Thanksgiving a chance to revisit my Alma mater for the traditional football game. In adulthood Christmas had taken on it's more secular face and become a time for my family to gather together. New Year's Eve, some time ago, had become my first grown up holiday as I was able to invite my friends into my home to celebrate.

If you want to see the true meaning of holidays, take a walk down to the corner shop, pick yourself up some cancer, and view the world through tumor colored glasses. Holidays loose the holi and are just days.

This Christmas was wonderful because I got to spend some time with my family, including the newest member, my cousin's son Jonah. I love my family very much. Sitting the whole clan around the kitchen table, laughing and talking, snacking, while Aunt Frannie finishes cooking the day's meal is a comforting event that I look forward to every time we gather. The meal was delicious, as always. It was absolutely wonderful. But, even as we passed out our gifts to each other, my mind was two days away, the first day of my new chemo.

For the third December in a row, the end of the year brought with it not promises of new and exciting opportunities wit a fresh year, but instead the spectre of cancer and a new round of chemo. This year I began on December 28th. My doctor felt confident that this chemo would not make me too sick. Perhaps there would be a little nausea and some diarrhea, but nothing too debilitating. I also spoke with several people who had taken this drug, and they suggested the same outcome. It was not to be. By the next day, even with plenty of drugs to help me, I was vomiting on a daily basis.

New Year's Eve was a quiet event. Dougie and Naomi took pity on my ridiculously sick body, and spent the evening perched in my living room, watching me sleep, bitch and moan, and try to put some food down my gullet only to toss it all up at some point. I was passed out as 2006 gave way to 2007, curled up on my couch beneath layers of blankets as Doug and Naomi blew noise makers, wore silly hats, popped corks, danced around my living room, and cheered in the new year. Alright, that might have just been my delusion, I was passed out! The truth is that Doug was playing a video game on his laptop and I think Naomi was flipping through tv channels. Who has better friends?

Things haven't been much better this week. I'm actually writing this from a hospital bed. More on that later.