It's Saturday night, just one more day before my next IV chemo. I had a fairly good week. I was feeling well, and even went to my office for a few days. The whole situation still takes a toll on me though. The first day I went back to my office I spent a lot of time talking to my friends, explaining what was going on. It's wonderful to see everyone again, but it really wore me out. I know, this sounds incredibly wussified, but all that talking made me tired. I went out last night for a little bit, and then lounged around the apartment today. I sort of feel guilty about it, knowing that tomorrow is the last day I'll be a functioning human for about a week.
It's funny how your mind and your body can conspire against you. Another strange phenomena that I've come to experience is that my mind and body can also operate outside the realm of reality. I noticed this during the first round of chemo last year, but now I'm reminded of it again. After having a good week, and figuring in that every day that goes by after my IV treatment I feel better, it would follow that I would be in terrific shape this weekend. BUT, and here is where my mind and body just don't listen to reason, I feel pretty crappy. My stomach is a little off, I'm tired, and I just know I'm not getting to sleep tonight. Do you understand why? It's because my mind is showering my synapses with warnings of my upcoming visit to the oncologist, and my body is responding by getting into sick mode. Sick before I get sick. Wonderful.
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