For Heaven's sake Theodore! The black one is for cutting, the red one is for sitting.

After reviewing my postings here, I'm lead to ponder my state of mind. Granted, being dealt a blow like cancer at 35 years old is staggering, but does it need to be the epicenter of every thought? Does every posting need to revolve around it? Are there not other parts of my life worth writing about?

I've come up with two answers thus far;

1) It makes sense, the name of the blog is "My Cancer" after all. I've made other attempts at blogging in order to share my words. One, The Drinking Club, is a shared blog with Dave and Lance to showcase our writing prowess, but we've not posted there in a while. The other, People I met that remind me of Jean Reno in The Professional , was ill fated from the beginning.

2) Yes, it is a big deal.

Dealing with the reality of having cancer is a mentally and physically exhausting. September of 2004 struck me with a whirlwind. I was set into a tossing sea. Surgeries, procedures, and then the first round of chemo. When my mother was sick, I asked her many times; "Where do you get the strength to fight?" Every time she answered me the same way; "You don't know you have that sort of strength inside you until you need it. You just find it." From the beginning, I've just found it.

I had a small respite over the summer, when I was allowed to enjoy all those things in my life that in sadder times gathered together to offer me that strength. Then it all started again. On the periphery right now, loom several aspects of my life that otherwise would receive my attention. Things may be changing at my job. My social life is far from perfect. My sister just got married. One of my best friends just had a baby. Strange things are afoot at the Circle K. But, for now, I need to focus my energy on this, the cancer. I am fighting now so that some day soon I will be able to look at cancer and expend only enough energy to think of it as a time in my past.

"Some part of the world still cares what color the kitchen is." -E. Ness